The Outdoor Witch Blog
A Message Meant to Find You.
To those who struggle, feel lost and completely stuck.
A post of a different kind today. It’s a message to all those out there who are feeling lost, stuck, powerless, hopeless, with no purpose in life or no way to achieve what they want for themselves
I had a striking epiphany lately. As of now, I am a different person. A New Me is born. And this New Me wants to share this amazing hindsight with those who need it right now.
Some background information
The Dark Night of the Soul
That’s what I’ve been through for the past year…probably even years. The notorious Dark Night of the Soul. With a significant peak in the past months.
Why is that? What led me into these dark waters, this “unwanted timeline”? Pretty simple:
No Money. No Career. No Future. A Complete Failure.
Full Stop. That's how I saw it. Whatever I was trying, whatever I was working on, I had only repeated failures or only vague successes in my career.
I was constantly making the list of everything that hadn’t worked, at least not to the extend and expectations I had: my book, my online course, the different online and in 3D life businesses, the husky re-homing project, etc, I was dwelling in the fact that I was barely meeting month ends, being a constant failure at turning my many endeavours into any sustainable business. How could I still be there, at my age, with all the studies I had done? With no proper career, no financial security ahead? And I kept on and on, trying to create new things, promote those I had created… with no better success, which was leaving me feeling worse and worse. I was working hours, and feeling terrible day after day of never getting the reward I was hoping for. It led me to a serious breakdown last winter. I was in a complete dead-end. I was stuck. I had reached the end of the road…
I didn’t really stop working though, as I had no back up at that time for my animal tribe. I couldn’t have afforded any paid help anyway. And as I have an unbreakable rule, it kept me alive: it’s my absolute promise to them and any animals I am responsible for, that however bad I am, they will never suffer from it. They’ve actually helped me go through it, they were the reason I didn’t give up all together. They were my happy moments in the midst of some very dark thoughts. I gave myself an ultimatum: if by June, nothing has improved, then I would give up on all my dreams, and had an awful scenario in mind. That was how desperate I felt.
To cut a long story short, my husband and I decided to sort our situation together, instead of living 3’000km apart. We found a temporary solution for summer for me and the whole tribe back in our home country, so I could get back on track and start thinking clearly again. Yet, I didn’t seem to get any better. I knew we were financially short and I wasn’t bringing anything to help out.
I was on a constant emotional roller-coaster and was feeling bored, exhausted, lacking inspiration and any drive to start fresh (once) again. What was the point?
Some days were fun and nice; we had great moments with the dogs, or the rest of the tribe, and I would start to feel hopeful again. But at the slightest bump in the road, I would crash back down again. I had no patience, and was constantly on the edge. I would watch tarot and pick-a-card readings daily, read books and listen to audio on personal empowerment, manifestation, and do regular meditations.
I was asking Universe and Spirit for signs, my Guides for help… When things would finally turn around for me? For us?
I was a nervous wreck.
Until I had this epiphany.
On one of those bad days, I came across a TED video on Youtube. A young and beautiful young female athlete whose life started the day she was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer a couple of years ago. And she was still alive. More alive than ever. Fully alive and living life fully. Her amazing testimony was like an electroshock.
It hit me in the face. That was the key I was looking for. The answer to all my questions. The sign from my Guides. The miracle I had asked for so long. Suddenly, I could see my life and my reactions to it with a brand new clarity. All the teachings I was following for years, suddenly seemed to click in my mind.
I was wasting my own life taking my lack of money and financial freedom as an excuse not to be living fully. I had a “no career no money” cancer, and it was killing me.
I realised all the things that I had and that I wasn’t even enjoying fully because I was constantly worried about losing them. What if I couldn’t provide and pay the bills? My wonderful horse. Our fantastic dog pack. Milwyn. The house.
I would get upset at them, be extremely harsh on myself (to say the least), or waste time in front of the computer trying to get my businesses off the ground or make videos no one watches, instead of being fully with them and making the most of my time with them.
This incredible woman said: I don’t know how long I will be there. But neither do you. For now I am alive and I make the most of it.
That day I decided to choose LIFE, love and light over Darkness, Boredom and Despair.
I made that promise to myself to be the best version of me from now on. To be and give the best of me even if it benefits only a few, such as my animals and my partner. I will use my skills, my HP brains, my knowledge on a daily basis, even if it’s only with my closed ones. I stop expecting reward or recognition from social media or the outside world. I gave up the “trying”. I have decided to live in the NOW. I will live everyday as if it is the last.
For now I have money. Right now I have a house. Today I have wonderful animals. Right now, I have food for us all. This is all that counts. For this is all that is. NOW.
I have accepted that maybe all I know, and will keep on learning and developing, might serve only a few people, a few animals. I might never be famous worldwide, on Youtube, or on social media. I may or may not have that long-pursued career. And I feel completely at peace with this. For I am now aware of the tremendous value I gain everyday from the skills and talents I have to keep my little tribe happy and healthy. I am aware of the love and kindness I get from them all everyday. This in itself is HUGE. I am deeply grateful to have all I have Right Now. And it is the first time I really get what being GRATEFUL and IN THE NOW means.. or rather, feels
That day, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt a tremendous relief. And life force energy started flowing again through me.
A New Me was born.
What “cancer” keeps you from living fully today?
What can you be grateful for Right Now?
How can you be the best version of you as of now?
I am walking on this lighter and brighter path now. You are welcome to join me. I don’t know where it leads. But right now, there’s a Path under my feet. That’s all that matters
The Outdoor Witch